I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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