I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My feet surprised me
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