I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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