Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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