escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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