i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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