nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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