You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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