Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
farters have to be the big spoon...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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