I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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