i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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