i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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