Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
