It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
