Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
