good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
