living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
