4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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