he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
