So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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