just tell him i said nine months
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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