just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
