Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize