nut hugger
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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