I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
