Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am one with the molecules
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
