This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
