I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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