i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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