Sponge bath it is.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I deserve this hangover.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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