Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
