im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?