So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
