I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize