Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
