Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
