Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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