i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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