Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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