I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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