What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
