I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
