trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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