A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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