i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
