I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my being single is dangerous.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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