fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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