Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
