So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
