I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
