see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
