Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
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I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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