We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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