This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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