u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
