FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
