isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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