And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
