this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
