Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
