So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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