We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
