Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
