carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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