Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize